What's Eating Sara Sidle?
by charlibubble
Summary: Sara has something to tell Grissom.


**This wouldn't go away this morning when I was up at 4am with my poorly daughter. I THINK its a oneshot but can't quite decide . I shall let the reviews decide :D**

There was something different about her today. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but he wasn't the only one who had noticed. Catherine had not only sent her home early from her shift but she had also been worried enough to call ahead and let him know. He was sure she had been trying to hint at something but he wasn't sure what. He just didn't understand why women couldn't just come out with it instead of spending their lives communicating in some sort of code.

He stirred the huge pot of soup he was cooking, the glorious homely smell filled his senses immediately and he took a deep breath.

"That smells delicious"

She slipped her hands around his waist and rested her head on the back of his broad shoulders. He could feel her breathing slow down and her muscles relax as she stood there holding him. There was definitely something on her mind.

Food would help, he was sure of it. He would fill her stomach and then send her to bed with a good book and a foot massage. When she was ready he was sure she would talk to him. He nudged his shoulder backwards to get her attention.

"It's ready, sit"

She did as she was told; this in itself didn't sit easy with him. She would almost always have a comeback to such a Neanderthal command but instead she flopped down in the chair with a sigh and stared out of the window.

He ladled some soup into a bowl and brought it over to her with some buttered bread. She didn't even look up and he began to feel a knot forming in his stomach. Whatever it was that was making her act this way had him worried. She was retreating, disappearing into her own mind and shutting him out and he didn't like it. It was the first step on her well tread road to self-destruction and they both knew it.

He brought his own bowl over to the table and sat opposite her, watching as she twirled the spoon around in the bowl. She felt his gaze and met his eyes for a tiny second before breaking the contact and staring into her bowl again feigning interest in the swirling patterns the steaming vegetables made.

"Ok, what is it?"

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes long enough for him to know that she wasn't ready to share.

"Nothing"

They ate in silence, the air thick with tension. He couldn't work out why she was being like this, he was only back in Vegas for a few days they should be making the most of their time together before he had to return to Peru and it wasn't like her to let an opportunity for intimacy pass her by so easily. When she finished eating she washed her bowl and disappeared into the bathroom. He could hear the water running into the bath and smell the rich rose scent of her bubble bath. He loved being surrounded by her smells, he knew he was home when he could inhale her bubble bath, breathe in her raspberry shampoo and snuggle into the wonderful apple scented bed sheets.

Smells did wonderful things to the senses. An entire catalogue of memories could be awakened by a simple smell. Grissom kept a pillowcase from home on his pillow in Peru; he liked to settle into it in the dead of night when the camp had fallen quiet and breathe in the glorious scent of Sara Sidle. His beautiful wife. It had gotten him through many lonely nights in Peru when he could think of nothing but her.

He was naturally drawn to the bathroom; he wanted to look at her. To watch as she slipped into the water and see her tension melt away. There was nothing voyeur about it, he just loved to be near her. Even when she was mad at him which apparently she was right now.

He peered through the cracked bathroom door. He could see the steam rising from the bath and the bubbles cresting over the edges of the tub and popping. Sara was sat on the toilet; he could see her in the mirror although it was rapidly steaming up. She held her head in her hands her shoulders shaking. She was crying.

He almost felt like his heart was breaking when he saw her. Catherine had said she spent an hour in the bathroom at work, coming out with her eyes all puffy and her skin pale and drawn. She had obviously tried to deny anything was wrong but when she had almost fainted in the layout room Catherine had put her foot down and insisted she go home. Even more worrying was the fact that Sara had agreed, without a word of argument or backchat she had simply nodded and headed to the locker room to change.

Grissom moved to her, gathering her in his arms and holding her close. He nuzzled into her hair, drawing his hands through her soft curls and kissing her head gently.

"Shhhhhhh it's ok, what is it? You can tell me Sara"

She was shaking her head as she burrowed into his chest tears falling heavily from her eyes, he couldn't bear to see her like this. She wouldn't speak, couldn't speak. He knew she hated showing vulnerability like this, even to him.

"Take you're bath" he whispered gently "I'll wash your back, we can talk later"

She nodded slowly peeling herself from his chest a look of shame covering her face as she slipped into the warm water. She looked so tired, vulnerable and needy. It didn't feel right, the knot in his stomach only got tighter. He washed her back, taking care to cover every trace of skin in a thick lather and then rinse it off. By the time she came out of the bath she looked so much more relaxed and calm he felt his heart swell with love.

One of his favourite sights was his wife fresh out of the bath or shower, her skin pink and fresh, her hair messy and curled at the ends as she tousled it in her towel. For the first time that day she smiled at him as she lay down on the bed beside him.

"I'm sorry; I guess I'm over tired"

He took her hand in his and held it to his chest.

"You won't get away with that excuse dear, tell me the truth"

She looked at him, looked deep into his eyes as hers glistened with fresh tears she was too afraid to shed.

"Gil, I don't know what to say"

Her eyes were pleading with him, begging him to just _know_ what she was upset about. To know so that she wouldn't have to say the words.

"I'm pregnant"

The air seemed to leave the room, time stood still as her words echoed through his brain. He struggled to process exactly what that meant. Sara, his Sara, was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. His baby. He was going to be a father.

She was staring at him, willing him to speak. Trying to read his reaction with so much fear on her face. He couldn't quite believe that had been causing her so much pain, so much worry, so much fear.

He must have been quiet for a long time; she turned over in bed and pulled her pillow in close to her. A defence mechanism he was all too familiar with.

"Sara, _that's_ what's been bothering you?"

She shrugged her response. She reminded him of a sultry teenager, refusing to meet his gaze and avoiding speech. Hormones certainly had a lot to answer for. He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him, his eyes danced and shone as his face lit up with a real genuine smile.

"Sara, why are you so upset?"

"We don't want children Gil, how could I have been so stupid. What will people think? I mean we're too old, we don't live in the same country, I will be a teriible mother….."

"You're scared"

She nodded slowly.

"Aren't you?"

Grissom pondered her question for a few moments; being scared of change was a natural instinct. He had been scared of change for a long time, for too long in fact he had spent his life scared of change. There was one major thing that had quashed that fear, and she was watching him right now. Her expression full of expectation and pleading. She had taught him so much more than she knew. How to follow your heart, how to love, how to be free and how to take chances. He smiled at her and kissed her on her forehead, gently brushing his hand over her stomach.

"Nope. _You_ will be a wonderful mother, _we_ will be excellent parents and _I_ am so proud of you right now"


End file.
